You cant go through life living to look like a good person or a bad one either. You have to be willing to look bad at times, not because you set out to hurt people, cheat, lie, discrimination etc. Or many other things. That’s different. Only the imperfect is real. So many people are concentrated on worrying about if they don’t look like a good person that there willing step away from there true selves. They choose to agree to things they don’t want, they make decisions based on what other people say. They take guidance that is not right for them. They choose to do these things for the sake of acceptance and belonging. They may also take a superior stance of believing they know best for the lives of other people. They might even want people to change in a way that isn’t in the best interests of the other person. Its known that any true changes that people make to their lives are the ones that they view that are right for themselves, not the ones you necessarily do.
Many people want to fix or save others but they can go on to enforce there will on others for the sake of being needed. Rescuing people can lead at times to people being unable to learn necessary life skills. Support is lending an listening ear, being kind yet not taking the problem away from that person. Which is enabling them to solve there issues, such as helping them to find resources without fixing the problem for them. Your know when this occurs because people will keep coming to you for the same release from a particular issues and problem, yet they will not take any form of action on it. A combination of listening to people while there willing to act is necessary.A person can become a hollow shell of an image, that looks like a good person yet lives non authentically. They have lived their entire lives agreeing, taking the actions that everyone believes they should. The image of that good person is propped up by the places inside, that they don’t think they really are. They do everything to maintain it, even if it means sacrificing their identity.
To step out of the role of the rescuer, victim, and persecutor you have to be willing to sometimes look like the bad person because you are not agreeing or making decisions anymore just to be loved and accepted.Only the true self is capable of love and compassion because it’s authentic. Are you stepping away from what is right for you just to fit in, then your stepping away from your own heart. And who could you love, without a heart? As for giving..Unhealthy giving means that part of you dies. You want to do the right thing for the wrong reasons. You give to feel important, valued, loved and respected and the giving becomes false. It becomes just about you. True giving only occurs when we give from the place we already feel respected, valued and loved. Its then giving becomes about you and the other person. Its self-inclusion and you have every right to be because deep down we all want and need these things. Where can you give your heart to you first? You cannot save the world, you are asked to save yourself! Be willing to look bad not because you are doing horrid things but because you dare to be yourself.
“You are not asked to sacrifice yourself to others or the world, for what good will that does! You are asked to live fully. What better example is there than that. To live in a compassion way doesn’t require sacrifice.” -Laura Phoenix madley-
How many times have you given to feel important, valued and loved? Has it worked? If so how long for? How many times have you given just to look good? Can you identify where you may have formed a dependency on only giving for the above reasons? As in you only feel loved and valued when you give rather than being loved for who you are? Have people formed a dependency on you? Do they only love you when you give something? Are they sacrificing to be loved, and are you. Is there betrayal, resentment? What else in the relationship?
If you were to know, how many steps have you taken away from your true self? Imagine taking these steps inside back to your center, your true self. What would it be like to give in a true way? The extent of your sacrifice is the extent that others will sacrifice themselves. These are places of inner defeat.
See where you can give out of the want and choice to make giving true and healthy, because it supports the other person. You feel good as a natural result. Not giving just to feel good, yet giving for a want and choice that gives way to naturally feeling good and being appreciated by those who really can!